Regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, my mom's voice is in my head telling me what to do and giving her critiques of me. She's harsh. Often times, I hear "You're not good enough" or "What's the point of that? It's useless." The voice in my head is never positive. Without realizing it, I have carried this voice with me throughout my years and I don't think it's done me any good. Yes, it's kept me out of trouble, but my confidence and self-esteem is shot. Trying activities or engaging in situations outside of my comfort zone is terrifying and my first thought is always that I'll fail. To get past that point and start chasing my dreams is difficult. I can often feel her unhappy gaze on the back of my head. I am accustomed to following my mom's shadow and I often struggle to come up with what I want and not what she thinks I should do.
|I love watching sugar suddenly turn into liquid form.|
My current job situation brings me joy, but she doesn't approve of it. I'm still trying to figure out how to find a happy medium for myself and for my mother. Despite the negativity, I still love her and I show it to her by making food whether is baking or cooking her a meal.
Recently, we had leftover salad ingredients so I decided to create a gourmet salad with garlic bread. I know my mom loves walnuts so I can candied it. She fell in love with the candied walnuts and said it was her favorite part of the meal.
|Mom's salad: egg, onions, cranberries, candied walnuts, & mixed greens with sourdough garlic bread.|
Note: I don't like my walnuts too sweet, but feel free to the increase the sugar up to 40g (3 1/2 TBSP).
50g (1/2 cup) raw walnuts
30g (2 1/2 TBSP) sugar
pinch of salt
- Line baking sheet with parchment paper.
- Toast walnuts in a skillet over medium heat for 3 to 5 minutes. Toss occasionally to prevent burning. Toast until hot to the touch and crispy.
- When the walnuts are done, put it in a bowl.
- In the same skillet, add the sugar and salt. Keep the heat on medium until the sugar starts melting and turning into a light tan. (A Tip: Swirl the pan so the sugar melts evenly and turns color uniformly) Lower the heat to low. When it turns into a darker shade, add the walnuts.
- Mix well and let it take on a dark amber before pouring the walnuts onto a parchment paper.
- Allow the walnuts to cool then break into pieces.
- Best if used within the same day.